Every single day. 

It has been five months and four days since we broke up.

It terrified me this morning when I realized that there has not been a day since when I did not think of you. I still cry when I think of where we are; I really wish I could rest my nose again on your left shoulder just like I always did.

I have never really shaken off that habit of experiencing things with you: there is not one new experience I have had that I did not wonder if you would enjoy it, too. In all the lovely restaurants, spas, parties I went to, I was quietly thinking of you.

I have been with other guys, yes. (I stacked them up rather quickly over the last few months.) I had hoped that they would fill that void that you left. I knew it was a doomed pursuit, but loneliness makes one do the insane.

Many of them have been kind; some not so. I will remember them all fondly because they were all great guys. I survived this far because they helped.

Life has gotten a little bit easier since five months ago. I can eat, I can work, I have been with friends.  (It certainly wasn’t like that in the first few weeks.) I have since tried dating, and my social life has been bustling. I still haven’t slept well, but I know it’s because I haven’t stopped spending time crying in the mornings because I miss you.

I really wish you would come back. We were so good together; I can’t even think of any other reality without you. I miss you.


About keanoidd

I am a drag queen working as a relocation professional for a multinational company.
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